Rain's Scattered Thoughts

Today stared out being a pretty good day. I found out that I am going to get an extra $550 for some extra work I helped another transcriptionist at my office get caught up on. That will come in very handy for all the medical bills we have piling up on us. I have even started donating plasma to get extra cash. Pretty desperate I guess. But hey, it’s money. Averages $200 extra a month if I go twice a week. I have only gone twice so far. Go in, get stuck with a finger prick to check it first, then get a temp, blood pressure and weight check. Then go back, get stuck with a big ass needle and get hooked up to a machine which draws blood for about 7 minutes then spins it until all the clear liquid parts of the blood are separated from the red blood cells. Then for about 5 minutes the machine gives me my red blood cells back. (This is why I can donate twice a week.) This goes on three more times before I am done. Then the machine clicks off and I get disconnected and try not to bleed all over the place. Big needles leave big holes. Owie. Then I go get paid and leave. Not too bad. I will get $35 on my next visit and ten $40 the one after that. Then when I am a regular donor its $15 the first visit of every week and $30 for the second visit. Have to see how long I can keep it up.

Anyways, my day kind of went downhill pretty quick. My hubby and I, I guess, are kind of fighting. Don’t really know. I assume so. At least we are at odds at the moment I suppose. He got upset because this morning I asked him how he was feeling. He told me he was doing pretty good and all was well. But when I came home and counted his pills two were missing. No wonder he was doing good. He had taken two Vicodin a couple of hours before I had asked him how he was feeling. *rolls eyes* Now I don’t mind that he took the Vicodin. He said he was really achy and felt like he needed them. Fine. Who am I to argue with that. I have no idea what kind of pain he is in. No clue. But all I have ever asked of him is to be kept in the loop. I asked him how he was doing and he just tells me “Doing pretty good” with a smile on his face and nothing else. I can’t believe for one second that if his pain was bad enough at 5:30 to take two Vicodin that he could just neglect to tell me that. Now I feel cheated because I asked him how he was doing and he told me he was doing good. All this morning until I counted those damn pills I thought he was having a really good day on his own. But now I know it was actually because he was drugged. I hate feeling like he isn’t being honest with me about how he is feeling. I don’t know why I let it get to me so but I do. Now he probably sees me as some over bearing bitch who just won’t stay out of his business. I don’t know. We were talking on messenger about it and I sent him a message of “Fine” after he told me he really felt like he needed the two Vicodin and I haven’t heard from him again since. Probably at least an hour now. So I guess he’s pissed off at me. Ah well. I wish I could just not give a shit about the whole damn thing. If I didn’t care so much it would be simple to not be bothered by these stupid little things. Ah well again. I should try not giving a shit for a while. I don’t think I could do it though. *needs a cigarette*

I talked to my mom today. I hope to be able to head up to see them over the July 4th weekend up in DC. That should be pretty cool. I have been there on the 4th before but it has been a very long time. I figured I had better make a trip up to see my parents up there before they finally move back down here. Hope the whole family can go. Hubby doesn’t know if he can get time off. Told my mom to check on places that will rent wheelchairs. That will be the ONLY way he will get to do anything while we are there. He is a big history buff though so he would love it... if he even gets the time off work. My sister met a guy up there and only after about a month of knowing each other they are now engaged. She seems really happy. I hope it all works out for her. They are talking about getting married REALLY soon.

My kids are up in DC right now. I’m kinda glad about that too because I REALLY needed some destress time. And at a moment like right now and my spat with my hubby I am especially glad they aren’t here because I don’t smoke in front of them and I need cigarettes bad right now.

Speaking of which, I am going to go have one.

~ Later ~

OMFG!! I cannot believe it has actually been a year since I have updated this thing. Jeez. Time flies I guess. Not that I have been having ANY kind of fun lately.

So much has gone on last since my last update but I will stick to the topic that weighs heaviest on my heart and soul lately. During the month of February my husband started complaining of some left hip pain and some tingling sensations in his left foot. My husband was convinced the problem was in his hip but since I have been typing notes on people with this same kind of problem for almost 8 years I knew it was coming from his back. I scheduled an appointment for him with my boss, who is an orthopaedic surgeon. He had x-rays of his back and hips done and other than an abnormal growth of bone attaching the L5 vertebra to the sacrum there was really nothing else alarming on his plain films. He gave him some anti-inflammatory samples and suggested therapy and thought that the symptoms of his low back pain would go away with time. Then on March 13 or 14th all SHIT hit the fan. He got INTENSE pain in his low back, left hip and all the way up and down his left leg. It got worse when he coughed and sneezed and I knew that was a horrible sign. Doctor ordered an MRI and my fears where confirmed. A diagnosis of a herniated disc at L4-5 was given to us. For anyone who doesn’t know what a herniated disc is here goes: The disc is the cushiony part that sits in between each vertebra in the spine. Now, my husband has that extra bony growth at his L5 vertebra and it is fused to the sacrum beneath it. That caused the disc between the L5 and L4 vertebra to stretch to the left because the disc is actually attached both to the top and bottom of each vertebra. The stretching of that disc and my husband’s being over weight most of his life just caused too much stress on that disc and it finally gave. The harder surrounding part of the nucleus, which is a jelly like substance inside the disc, got a weak point and the nucleus ended up squirting out fo the disk causing major pressure on his nerves in his back. Thus the major leg pain. Diagnosis: Herniated Nucleus Pulposus, or as I like to call it MAJOR FUCK UPEDNESS!!! Now, his father had several back surgeries all of which left him still feeling pretty bad and addicted to pain meds so I was not eager to see my husband go down this path. The doctor assured us though that only 10% of patients need surgery for this type of problem and that given time the jelly substance that herniated out of the hard section of the disc would eventually dry up and relieve the pressure on the nerve. He asked my hubby what he wanted to do and we chose the conservative treatment first obviously. Doctor canceled therapy for the time being because that would only make matters worse. Put my hubby on a major dose of anti-inflammatory (which isn’t really that good because my husband has a problem with his liver when taking meds like that) and put him in a rather strong narcotic. (I really hated that part.) After a while it seemed like things were getting a little better but then they got worse again. Dave was needing all kinds of pain medication, which again, I REALLY HATE!!!! Doctor suggested lumbar epidural steroid injections. This is where you go in and lay on a table and they take a fluoroscopic x-ray of your back which shows up on a computer screen. Then they numb you up, stick the needle where it needs to go and then inject all kinds of meds into the exact part of your back that hurts you. Kind of like an epidural for pregnancy so I knew a little about what he was going through. LOL I actually told him to try to imagine going through what he was going through while at the same time having it feel like someone was taking your stomach and twisting it. Not fun. But then again I didn’t have a pinched nerve in my back either. Anyways. He had one of those on March 30th and the next day he did great. This was a VERY good thing because I had a surgery scheduled for the 31st. Got my tubes tied. No more kids for me. :-) Anyways, yeah, he did good after that one and after two weeks he went back and got a second. Epidurals usually come in a series of 3. After the second one he continued to do pretty well. They scheduled his 3rd epidural for four weeks after he got the second. After three weeks into that time all hell broke lose yet again!!! Right before Mother’s day he started feeling bad again. Totally afraid to get out of bed for the whole weekend. Not much fun for me, in a very selfish way. Then we had both taken Friday, May 27th, off so that we could have one last day of going out just the two of us before our kids got out for summer vacation. Well, at 3:30 a.m. our ADT alarm started going off. My first thought was that one of the kids got up during the night and had tried to go outside. I’m always afraid for some reason that my 5 year old will do that. I don’t know why really. I know she is smarter than that. But anyways, so my first reaction is to hurry up and get to the kitchen where the key pad is and turn the fucker off because all the neighbors were going to be waking up soon. So I flew out of the bedroom and ran to the kitchen and finally got it turned off. I come back to the bedroom totally expecting my hubby to still be in bed waiting to see what the commotion was. I start talking to him. The room is still totally dark but I can tell that his voice is not coming from the bed. Nope. It was coming from the floor! He had tried to run after me because he was afraid someone had tried to break into the house and he didn’t want me to be alone. But his back totally shot him down to the ground. Another weekend ruined. At this point he could wait for his third injection. My parents go to a great chiropractor so around this time we started going to see him too. I was diagnosed with left cubital tunnel syndrome (pinched nerve in the elbow) and my mom thought that he could help me so I went also. (It actually has helped my cubital tunnel a VERY GREAT DEAL!) First adjustment was murder on my hubby. Doctor wanted him to lay face down on a table and he couldn’t stay there. Only for like 10 seconds. I felt terrible since it was pretty much my urging him to go that he was there in the first place. Doctor said he couldn’t promise quick results obviously since the problem had already been going on for over two months but that he thought over time it would really help him out. Third epidural injection time finally rolled around and we did that. At this point the anesthesiologist looks at the fluoroscopy picture on screen and just stands back and looks. FREAKED ME OUT!!!! I was in the room each time and he had NEVER done that before. He was actually caught off guard by that extra piece of bone. This ticked me off because actually at the time of his second injection I had asked this doctor if he could see if the L5 was sacralized and he told me he couldn’t. Fucker! Anyways. He put his hand on my hubby’s shoulder and said “I think you are going to need surgery.” I about died!!! It took all of my will power not to burst out crying right there in the “operating” room. When we got done and left the exam room my husband broke down. We had been hearing for over two months that conservative treatment would be enough and then all of a sudden we were faced with surgery. Very shocking news indeed. So I freaked out and wrote a note to my boss asking him to please clear things up for us. He explained that that extra piece of bone is a thing my hubby has probably has since birth and is not the cause of his pain and that he still felt no surgery was indicated. Meanwhile, my hubby doesn’t get any relief from the third injection. NONE!!! The weekend right after the 27th he has another quick drop to the floor episode. This time it was a Saturday and we were due to take the kids up to Atlanta to meet my folks at the airport so they could go for a two week visit. This episode was much worse than the previous one and he COULD NOT get up off the floor. Now, my husband is a pretty big guy. There is no way I could help him get off the floor. If he had been in a chair or something maybe but not from the floor. I’m just not that strong and don’t have the proper knowledge to know how to properly lift a large person. (Though we have both lost 40 pounds since February. YEE HAW!!!!) Eventually, after almost an hour, he was able to get back to the bed and I could finally take the kids. This was interesting because I have never driving to Atlanta alone before. It was always good to have my hubby with me because he went to college up there and knew the way. Not me. But I did finally make it. Anyways, he took it really easy and has had a quite a few more chiropractic adjustments since then. He had a REALLY GREAT weekend last weekend which was awesome. It was the first weekend the kids were gone and we got to go out and have fun!! I missed it so. We went to see Star Wars for the 3rd time and went out to eat and all kinds of stuff. I needed it so bad and I know he did too. He went to see the new doctor at our office who is a spine surgeon. This is a MAJOR prick!! He told us that the disc would not go away and the only way to get rid of it is surgery. He said “You may be having good days right now but the pain WILL come back.” Blah, Blah, Blah. This guy just wanted to get my hubby under the knife so he could bill us for it. Fuckhead!!! I am so glad I don’t have to type his dictation. But we have had three other doctors tell us that the disc will go away with time so we are still doing the conservative thing. Hopefully it will all work out.

My emotional state varies on the issue. While I hate very much to see my hubby in pain and I want to be as supportive as I can be there are times when I feel extremely angry about the whole thing. I get pissed off at the fact that he is taking narcotics still (though nowhere near as much as before). I even count the pills. He says he tells me EVERY TIME he takes them but he doesn’t. His parents were both hooked on pain pills before and I DON’T want that in my life. I know he would never do it on purpose but that’s how a lot of people start out. Taking it for good reasons and then BAM... your hooked. I really don’t think I have anything to worry about there but for some reason it still gets to me sometimes. Needless to say with pain like that the sex life suffers. And when that suffers EVERYTHING suffers. After three months of dealing with doing EVERYTHING around the house by myself, taking care of the kids and taking care of my hubby needless to say my brain is a little FRIED! I used to be a cutter back in Jr. High. (Where you cut yourself to ease pain.) I actually had a moment a couple of weeks ago where I SERIOUSLY considered doing it again. I have started smoking again A LOT! I just don’t know what to think about things sometimes. Then I feel bad for feeling the way I do sometimes because it is EXTREMELY selfish. I should be nothing but caring for my hubby during his time of need and not be resentful. It’s not like he did this on purpose. But part of me does get angry. I get mad that he isn’t the same person right now because of all of this. I get angry that all the responsibility for stuff around the house and the kids is all on my shoulders. I get pissed that I can’t be with him the way I want to and let me tell you... It’s true that a lady’s sex drive ups in the 30s because I am almost there and OMG!!! Wanting it all the friggin’ time. I get upset when I see him in pain and get angry that all of it is happening in the first place. Then I feel like ultra shit for thinking all of it in the first place. I guess it’s normal... at least I hope it is.

Regardless, one of the doctors at our office just lost one of his 4 year old twin daughter’s to cancer. I should be thanking my lucky starts that my hubby just has a herniated disc and not some kind of cancerous tumor growing in his back. I try to focus on the positive. It is just really hard.

Well, I think I have rambled WAY TOO MUCH for now. That’s not nearly everything that has gone on the past year but that is my major issue right now so there it is. And I actually do feel a lot better after putting it all into words. I should have done this two months ago at least.

Hope all you guys I used to talk to at the House of Bean Dip are doing okay. I missing chatting with you guys and knowing what is going on with you all. I just don’t have near as much time these days as I used too. But I hope you are all doing well.

Love and Peace,

Jenna

THE BASICS
01. Full name: Jennifer Renee Dills Collins
02. Birthday: 12-8-1975
03. Birth state: Kentucky
04. Birth town: Lexington
05. Hospital: I have no idea.
06. Age: 28
07. Sex: Female
???? missing #s ????
09. Weight at birth: Uh... not sure.
10. Weight now: Way to friggin' much!!!!
11. Time of birth: 10 something in the a.m.
12. Height: 5'5"
13. Eye color: Green
14. Tan/pale: Pale
15. Race: Caucasian
16. Heritage: Not sure about that one either. My mom just did our family geneology but I don't have a copy of the stuff yet.
17. Hair color: Red
18. Natural hair color: Brown
19. Kind of hair: Straight
20. Hair length: Right at shoulder length. I need to get it trimmed about a half an inch very soon.
21. Shoe size: 8
22. Bra size: Wouldn't you like to know.
23. Piercings: 4 holes, two in each ear lobe.
24. Tattoos: This will be my reward when I get down to my ideal weight. I want one around my ankle, like an anklette looking type tattoo.
25. School: None. I graduated a while ago.
26. Grade school: Parkwood Elementary
27. Class of: 1994
28. Sports played now: NONE!!
29. Sports played in the past: I never really played any sports per se. I took a tennis class for six weeks once and took ballet.
30. Pets: 3 cats and 1 dog
31. Do you like to sing in the shower?: Absolutely, only when my hubby is not in ear shot.
32. Sign: Sagittarius

RANDOM INFO
01. Parents names: Tom & Lona
02. Color hair your mother has: Brown
03. Color hair your father has: Brown
02. Parent's occupations: Mom - housewife, father - just got promoted to a job at the Pentagon.
03. Kind of car you have: 1999 Dodge Durango SUV
04. Sibling age/names: Randy - age uh... 25 I think. LOL & Laura - age 20
05. Live: Georgia
06. Rooms in your house: like bedrooms or total rooms? uh... 3 bedrooms and 7-8 total rooms depending on how you break up the kitchen area.
07. Color theme of your room: Still how we bought it. Kind of beige color. Haven't redecorated yet.
08. Color of carpet: Beige
09. Room size: Enough space I suppose.
10. Bed size: Queen
11. Sheet colors: White flannel with blue snow flakes on them. (Twas a gift)
12. How many pillows: Too many to count between me and my hubby. I only use two.
13. Furniture in your room: bed, side table, filing cabinet, large bookshelf for all my action figures, large bookshelf for my hubby's computer books and some action figures, hubby's computer desk with all his misc computer stuff, dresser, and lots of junk we need to get out of there.
14. Kind of computer: Gateway
15. Money in bank account: Never enough.
16. Posters in room: None. Two very nice pictures taken my by my hubby's professional photographer uncle.

DO YOU NORMALLY... (more often than not):
01. Ask or answer questions? answer
02. Bathe in the morning or at night? night
03. Converse or participate in awkward silence? participate in awkward silence
04. Talk or listen? listen
05. Dress up or dress down? dress down
06. Stay up late or get to bed early? It depends on what is going on the next day.
07. Get what you want or get what you deserve? Sometimes
08. Get attention or give your attention? Get attention
09. Stand out or blend in? blend in. I am hardly ever noticed. Mostly because of the shyness factor I think.
???? missing #s ????
11. Listen to music or watch TV? Watch t.v.
12. Win or lose? lose
13. Plan or follow-through? Plan
14. Smile or cry? Smile. Smile, though I don't do that as much as I would like I do smile more than cry.
15. Get up early enough to see the sunrise? everyday except on weekend.
16. Use books or Internet for research? Internet
17. Sing it or hum it? sing it as long as I know the words
18. Style your hair or just whatever? Depends on where I am going. Usually just whatever.
19. Call or get called? Get called
20. Visit or have people over? Get visited, though that doesn't happen much.
21. Eat or skip breakfast? I try to eat to keep the metabolism up.
22. Make a meal or go out for one? Make
23. Drive or get driven? Drive - I get car sick when driven by someone else.
24. Do what you had planned? Most of the time.
25. Attend or skip class/work? Attend.
26. Act like yourself or act appropriately? Act appropriately.
27. Laugh or get laughed at? Laugh
28. Indulge or abstain? Indulge. I think my weight and credit card balances are a good indicator of that.
29. Help others or help yourself? Help others.
30. Eat what's good for you or eat what tastes good? What tastes good.
31. Turn it up or just get closer? Turn it up
32. Start it or finish it? Start it. I usually finish things, unless it is cross stitch. I have tons of those started and not finished.
33. Stay bored or get things done? I am starting to get things done.
34. Apologize or be stubborn? Stubborn. I have only apologized twice in my life that I can recall and one of the blew up in my face later so I say... why bother anymore.
35. Tell them you have a crush on them or hope they figure it out? I have only admitted to one person to his face that I liked him and asked him out. My hubby and I got together by using a third party friend.
36. Pay for yourself or get paid for? Well, I am married now so we both pay for things.
37. Lean in first or wait for them to make a move? Wait for them to make the move
38. Get rejected or never ask? Never ask
39. Hope it happens or make it happen? Hope it happens
40. Try your hardest or hard enough? try your hardest
41. Work it out or put up with what you got? Work it out.
42. Talk it through or ignore it as much as you can? Talk it out.
43. Know or think? Depends
44. Trust or suspect? Trust until given reason to do otherwise.

DO YOU. . . ?
01. Pluck your eyebrows?: Yes, since the 10th grade.
02. Ever cut or hurt yourself on purpose?: Yes, in the past.
03. Use icq, aol buddy list, etc.?: Seldomly, not enough time to talk for long.
04. Drink enough water?: No
05. Wear shoes in the house or take them off?: Take them off usually.
06. Eat wheat bread or white?: wheat
07. Kiss on the first date?: Don't have any first dates being married.
08. Dream in color or black and white?: Color
09. Have any dimples?: As heavy as I am... yes.
10. Remember being born?: Does anyone? <_< No. 11. Drink alcohol? Yes 12. Like high school? HATED IT!! Until my senior year. 13. Like sunrises or sunsets the most?: Yes 14. Want to live to be 100?: Only if I have good health. 15. Think women should be expected to shave their body hair? Yeah, especially if you are going to wear a tank top, shave them pits! 16. Like salty food or sugary food the most?: Sugary 17. Think a flat stomach is important?: No. 18. Think you are tolerant of other peoples beliefs?: Yes 19. Believe in magic?: Not really, no. 20. Have nightmares frequently?: Not frequently but on occasion. 21. Like your nose?: Yes 22. Like abstract art?: Not particularly. 23. Think you can draw well?: Absolutely not. 24. Listen to music daily?: Yes 25. Like to wear the same shoes everyday or do you like a variety?: I usually wear the same ones everyday but I do own a variety. 26. Write poetry?: yes 27. Snore when you sleep?: Yes according to my hubby. 28. Sleep more on your back, front, or sides?: stomach 29. Think balding men should shave their heads?: Not necessarily. 30. Know anyone who is clinically depressed?: Yes 31. Know someone who has cancer?: Yes 32. Like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants?: Both 33. Have a middle name? what is it?: Renee, but when I got married I dropped the Renee and use my maiden name initial in my signature. SEX 01. Are You Straight or Gay? Straight 02. Ever been kissed? Duh... I am married afterall. 03. Kissed someone of the same sex? HELL NO!! 04. French kissed? Yes 05. Held hands? Yes 06. Hugged someone? Yes ???? missing #s ???? 27. Do you believe in waiting until marriage to have sex? My family believed in waiting... I didn't wait. 28. Have you ever had a crush on a friend's boy/girlfriend? Not their actual boyfriend. I liked the same guy at the same time one of my friends did once. I ended up dating him though not her. 29. Have you ever done anything with a friend's bf/gf? No 30. Do you joke about sex a lot? Not really ???? mising #s ???? 37. Does someone's reputation have an effect on your answer if they asked you out? Yes, it did. I am glad my husband didn't have that trait though or we wouldn't have gotten married. HAVE YOU EVER 01. Smoked a cigarette: Yes 02. Smoked a cigar: Yes 03. Snorted coke: No 04. Smoked weed: No 05. Been high: No 07. Said "I hope you die" to someone: I am sure at some point in my life I have. 08. Tried to kill yourself: Not seriously but I did cut myself and take lots of aspirin one time to get attention. 09. Gotten in a fist fight: No. 10. Lied to your parents: Yes 11. Broken a bone: No 12. Lied to your friends: Yes 13. Bit someone: Disgusting. 14. Bungee jumped: No 15. Been skydiving: No 16. Gotten drunk: Yes 17. Gotten totally wasted: Yes, never again. 18. Given someone a bruise: Surely at some point. 19. Skinny-dipped: No but I did have sex in a pool once. Just not totally naked. 20. Driven illegally: I have driven drunk which is illegal. But never driven under age or without a license. 21. Ditched someone: Yes 22. Freak danced: No 23. Shoplifted: Yeah, when I was pretty young. And accidentally once when leaving something on the bottom of the shopping cart by accident and not paying for it at check out. 24. Cut yourself: yes 25. Skipped school: Yes 26. Hung up on someone: Yes 27. Gone commando: No 28. Thrown up at school: No 29. Made yourself throw up: No 30. Flashed someone: No ???? missing #s ???? 32. Had a burping contest: No 33. Snuck out: Yes. And my parents put an alarm system on the house a result. Not to keep burglars out but to keep me in. LMAO! But I found a way around it and could get through my window without the alarm going off. Then they put a separate code on the windows and I couldn't do that anymore. 34. Been to a school dance: Yes 35. Thought your teacher was hot: Hell yeah. 10th grade band director. Major Hottie. 36. Had an eating disorder: Yeah, eating way to much!! ???? missing #s ???? 41. Had surgery: No 42. Seen a therapist: Yes 43. Farted loud and people heard: When you have been married as long as I have it happens. But only my hubby has heard, never a crowd of people or anything. 44. Burped louder than a guy: No 45. Done a split: Yes, just not lately. 46. Been on a cheerleading team: HELL NO!!!! I am the anti-cheerleader. LOL 47. Played spin the bottle: No. Truth or Dare was always our game at parties. GIRL TALK 01. Do you stuff your bra? No. 02. Have you ever stuffed your bra? No. 03. What make-up do you wear daily? There is nothing I wear on a DAILY basis. 04. What are your underwear like right now? uh... white. That's all you need to know. 05. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Not sure. Enough to match anything I could possibly need to wear. 06. Come on, tell the truth. Is that really your true hair color? No. 07. What do you most like about your body? The fact that it does have the capability to become smaller. 08. And least? The fact that right now it is way to large. 09. How many fillings do you have? Too many to count. Not because of lack of brushing. Genetically thin enamel. 10. Do you think you're good looking? I would say average I guess. Not so ugly that people turn their heads at my appearance. 11. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking? Just my hubby. ^_^ 12. Do you look like any celebrities? I have been told twice that I look like Tiffany Amber Theisen. I don't see it. 13. Do you like a man with muscles or not? No. I want a man I can snuggle with. You can't snuggle with a brick. 14. Tall or short men? Tall 15. Does your dream guy have long or short hair? That doesn't matter to me. ???? missing #s ???? 17. How long is your leg hair? It's slightly stubbly right now. ???? mising #s ???? 21. Are your eyebrows a different color from your hair? Yes 22. Do you pluck your eyebrows? Yes ???? missing #s ???? 25. Can you dance? Uh... no, not really no. ???? missing #s ???? 29. When was your first period? age 12 30. If you unexpectedly got pregnant, what would you do? I did unexpectantly get pregnant at age 18, about halfway through my senior year. I married the father and we struggled for a good eight years before we finally became pretty stable. We are still married to this day and have two kids now. 31. Do you plan on having kids?: Let's say I plan to have no more. 32. Future daughters/sons names? Son: Alan-Michael Daughter: Sheridan I am not having any more so there are no future names. 33. Are you pro-choice? I have waivered on this one for a while. I used to be hard core pro choice. But lately, with the morning after pill and all, I lean more towards wishing people wouldn't do it. I would never choose it for myself lets put it that way. 34. Do your underwear and bras usually match? No THE PAST 01. Any good memories from this year? Yes, I would have a pretty lousy life if not. 02. Any bad memories from this year? Yes, you have to take the good with the bad. 03. Do you regret anything from this year? Not so far. 04. Do you regret anything you've ever done? Yes. I wish I had waited until I was married to have sex for the first time. 05. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Brad Ethridge 06. Did you ever have braces? Yes - for two years. 07. What is your best childhood memory? I have too many to count. Lots of fun stuff happened when I was a kid. 08. Do you have the same friends you did when you were seven and under? Only one, my best friend Stephanie. 09. What was your favorite childhood toy? It depends on what stage of childhood you are talking about. 10. What was your favorite cartoon when you were four? I have no idea. 11. What was your favorite movie as a child? Again, depends on the age. From age 7 and up... anything gory! 12. Did you ever suck your thumb? Not sure 13. What color hair did you have as a kid? Brown, lighter than it is naturally now. 14. What was your first word? Not sure. 15. How did your parents name you? I think they just used popular names at the time. 16. What does your name mean? Jennifer - (taken from Guinevere) GUINEVERE f English, Welsh Mythology Pronounced: GWIN-e-veer Old French form of the Welsh name Gwenhwyfar, which is composed of the elements gwen meaning "fair, white" and hwyfar meaning "smooth". In Arthurian legend she is the beautiful wife of King Arthur. Her betrayal of her husband with Mordred prompted the battle of Camlann, which led to the deaths of both Mordred and Arthur. Later versions of the legends tell of her adulterous affair with Sir Lancelot. (Taken from www.behindthename.com) THE PRESENT 01. Current Music: none 02. Current CD in player: Linkin Park Hybrid Theory 03. Current conversations: none 04. Current time: 10:50 a.m. 05. Current clothes: White Nike t-shirt, and blue lounge around pants. Very comfortable. 06. Current hair: Pony tail 07. Current taste: Haven't eaten yet today. No cravings. 08. Current mood: FREEZING!! 09. Current smell: Not much as my nose is pretty stuffed. 10. Current thing you should be doing: Probably cleaning house. 11. Current desktop picture: Pretear wallpaper which contains all Himeno and all the knights. 12. Current favorite group: I don't have any favs per say. 13. Current book: The Hobbit. 14. Current refreshment: Just finished my coffee. 15. Current worry: My parents moving. 16. Current crush: My only and only hubby of course.

I guess things have been busy around here. Strange, it doesn’t seem that way. Not much going on to tell about I don’t think. I guess I have just been playing too much PS2. I think I am almost done with .hack//outbreak now. I am flipping between playing that and Drakengard. I am really loving this game but I am kind of stuck right now. Flying the dragon is tough for me. I have never been that great at flying things in games. LOL I do fine on the open fields and in the open air but this level I am stuck on you have to fly the dragon inside of a fortress and it is kind of tight quarters sometimes. Drives me nuts. But I am enjoying the game overall. It’s a Square Enix game so of course the movie scenes are totally awesome to watch. I love that.

The weather here is driving me absolutely nuts. Just a few days ago we had highs in the low 80s. Now a damn cold front came through and the high is only going to get into the low 60s today. My daughter has gotten sickest from this. She talked in her sleep all last night. We have a monitor in her room so that we can here if she calls for us in the night and we didn’t get much sleep last night at all because of her constant talking in her sleep. One part was pretty funny though. She must have been dreaming my husband was doing something wrong because she said “Dad, HOW DARE YOU!” I was hilarious. “How dare you” is like her new saying now. I have no idea where she picked it up from. But anyway, back to the weather. Then tomorrow it supposed to be back up in the low 70s again.

Got the last DVD of Pretear. OMG!! I love that anime. The ending was super. My husband is constantly making fun of me for liking it but who cares. I love it and will never tire of it, which is a good thing because my daughter loves it too and I end up watching it several times throughout the day. LOL

Got my official high school reunion invite in the mail yesterday. It will cost $90 for me and my hubby to go. That is a lot of friggin’ money. This had better be the best party I have been to in a while. Wait a minute... I don’t go to parties. The least they could do for that price is have an open bar at the semi-formal dance night. But no... cash bar. Ah well, I will still be partaking of that. There is no way I could go back and be exposed to these same people sober. LOL May not go still if the weight is still an issue. But my parents are helping me out with some motivation. We got a Honda from them and we have been paying $60 a month on it to them. They said the would waive that payment and still consider it paid if I can manage to lose 10 pounds in a month’s time. They will continue this agreement until I get to the weight I want to be. 10 pounds a month. I started on April 1st. Not doing so hot so far. I have two weeks to get where I need to be. I CAN DO THIS!! *gets game face on*

Speaking of my parents... they are officially leaving the state on Friday. *cries* I still have trouble getting used to the idea that very soon they won’t be just right down the street. Ah well, I am 28 years old and should just get over it I suppose. They are supposed to be getting us a web cam because they don’t want to miss seeing the kids grow up. LOL I know my daughter will flip out about that.

Well, there is really nothing else much to update on. I saw Kat had a pretty long survey on her journal and I think I will fill that out for myself with this time that I have. Trying to keep myself occupied and away from the fridge.

I don’t know why but for some reason yesterday I was extremely depressed. It just hit me out of nowhere. I didn’t wake up that way, just halfway through the morning I got extremely down. Today seems to be a little better so far. I guess it was just because there are SO many things going on this year and maybe at the time it felt a little overwhelming or something. I am not really sure. We found out how much we were going to be getting back on our tax returns and it was nearly what I thought it was going to be. That is probably what started it all I guess. I was really hoping to pay off a lot of our credit card debt with that but now that is out of the question if we want to have any kind of a trip planned in September. Plus I watched a Dr. Phil show not too long ago with people having money problems in there and the second couple reminded me of us not all that long ago and I NEVER want to go there again. However, with all the debt we have if one bad thing were to happen I guess we could easily end up there again. Issues with my weight aren’t any better. The reunion is going to be here before I know it and instead of losing anything I will have probably gained before it is all said and done. I have no discipline when it comes to money or food. I’m not sure where this comes from because my parents taught me otherwise. I guess I need to find the root of that problem in order to solve it. Then the looming date of my parents move gets ever closer. I guess the closer it gets the more I realize how much it is going to bother me when they go. I try my hardest not to think about it too much so off that topic right now. Plus my husband has been EXTREMELY busy with work lately. He has been bring stuff home to do because he doesn’t have enough hours in the day at work to finish everything. He was up until 2:00 a.m. last night working. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that he even has work to be doing, however, having him come home and still have work to do really sucks. But with that I have had plenty of game play time I suppose.

I have no idea what my problem is. I just hope this crap doesn’t last very long. The last thing I need is a year of bad moods. I am sure my husband would be thrilled with that as well.

I finished part 2 of .hack Wednesday night. I hope to get the third one sometime today maybe. My husband will be working all friggin’ weekend so I need something to do. I should probably clean and get the house ready for our daughter’s party next weekend but I just don’t feel much like cleaning. Ah well. I wish I could go drown myself in a chocolate sundae or something but that would only make matters worse in the long run I suppose. I think after writing this I actually feel worse than I did before I started. Maybe I should have not said anything and just kept it inside. Who knows.

It’s been a while. Been getting ready to have my daughter’s 4th B-day party next weekend. And trying to get her all ready for Pre-K. Running around getting paperwork in order and stuff. We are in the most popular school district so we will be getting up VERY early on March 29th to go over to the school to stand in line for hours to get her registered. I hate that. But unfortunately Pre-K isn’t standard in our schools and is paid for by the Georgia Lottery so there are a limited number of slots per school. She is really excited about going though so we will do what needs to be done to get her there. I know she is going to love it. And I sure won’t mind having the house to myself while everyone is gone to school and work. I will be able to listen to music while I work instead of having the t.v. turned to all those kiddie shows. That will be great. I know I will get done with work faster when that happens. ^_^ MAN! I talked about my daughter’s really cute hair cut last post. Well, she got a hold of a pair of scissors and I didn’t realize she had them until it was too late. She took them to her hair and now she has a very “interesting” layered look to it. LOL I guess it really could have been MUCH worse. She has no bald spots or anything like that so it doesn’t look too bad. She will keeping it back in a ponytail a lot for a while I suppose.

We finally saw The Passion of The Christ a while back. Tickets were sold out for a while here. One church bought out the whole theater for the day and was offering free tickets to people who weren’t already a member of a church. Luckily the crowd we saw it with was very respectable. There was no talking and such in the theater. Well... a couple of times people’s cell phones went off. I swear, haven’t people heard of the vibrate on / ringer off option.

Well, once again I ruined all my weight loss efforts by eating bad for one day on the weekend. This is really starting to tick me off. I had gotten down to 189 on Sunday morning. But then we had IHOP for breakfast that day and Chinese for dinner and BAM!!! I weighed an astounding 192.5 this morning. *beats head on desk* So I only lost a half a pound technically this past week since my weigh in day is Monday. *sighs* Almost starting to think I should just give up again. I really just need to get off the stinkin’ birth control pill. That is when all my weight issues started in the first place. But, I will have to wait until I get my tubes tied for that. I stopped taking the pill once to help me lose weight faster and I ended up pregnant with my daughter. The last thing I need is another kid around so I will just deal with it for now I guess. Ah well. I guess I need to get my lazy butt back on the treadmill everyday. I hate getting remotivated to do that. I was doing great until I got sick. Blah.

Got my three year old daughter’s hair cut significantly for the first time yesterday. My mom has always kept her bangs trimmed but the back had not been cut since she was born. We cut a good 6-8 inches off. But it is so much more manageable now. I don’t regret it. She looks really cute with the shorter look. It is about shoulder length now. No more tangles!! Yahoo! However, I am pretty upset with her at this moment. Just a few minutes ago she ripped the blinds out of our kitchen window, yet again. They have been ripped out so many times that you really can’t screw them back in anymore. I guess I will have to fill the holes with some filler and let that dry over night and try to screw the blinds back up tomorrow. I swear, having children and animals is most detrimental to owning a home. *rolls eyes*

We watched a behind the scenes show on The Passion of The Christ last night. I must say I really didn’t want to see this movie in the theater when I found out you would have to read everything. We were hoping maybe for the DVD release maybe it would be dubbed or something. But after seeing the trailer for it and all the behind the scenes stuff I am really excited to go see it. Hopefully my parents will be able to watch the kids for us for a little while. I don’t know though. They are pretty busy packing up now that it is getting closer to time to move.

Got to see my hubby’s company win some awards Saturday night. We went to an awards ceremony and my parents did watch the kids for that. It was the first time we had any real alone time together for a while. In an “out” situation anyway. It was nice to sit down and have dinner together. It would have been even nicer if the obnoxious people behind us at Red Lobster hadn’t been so loud!! I swear, the entire restaurant cold probably hear their whole conversation. I hate rude people. But at least we got to have some really great seafood. I love lobster! I wish it weren’t so expensive. *cries* Ah well. What can you do.

Well, that’s about it for now. Hopefully I can do better with my weight loss efforts this week. Only time will tell.

Let’s see. Where to start. Well, I am finally feeling 100% again. I hate being sick. But from what I am hearing lots of people were in the same boat with me so at least I was not alone. ^_^ Not that I wish sickness on anyone else.

Anyways, I did end up beating that Prince of Persia game before it had to go back. I totally loved it. I have a bit of an obsession with listening to the Prince's voice. I absolutely love his voice. And the music too. Downloaded most of the music from the game off the net. I love the internet!!! I have the ending song from the credits permanently stuck in my head today. But that’s fine. I LOVE IT! We actually bought it too though. My son is still TRYING to play it. LMAO! It’s about time I found a game that I am so much better at than him. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to rub it in his face when he can’t get past something. LOL But I am replaying the game anyways. I rushed through it so much the first time I wanted to go back and play it again to enjoy the story more this time around.

I must be totally insane, I swear. Saturday night I started reading my Vol. 1 Fruits Basket manga that I had just bought Friday. I got a few pages into it and just knew I HAD TO SEE THE ANIME!! Thank goodness Target at least had the first two DVDs for only $19.99. So I went right out after deciding I had to see it and grabbed up those two DVDs. I wish they had had all four. They were about to close too so here I am running around frantic trying to get it and get out before the locked the doors. LOL Got home and finished reading the book. I don’t know why but I wanted to finish reading the book before I started watching. Stupid eh? But anyway, so I finally started watching. I watched the first four episodes until 1:00 a.m. and I finally gave in to my sleepiness. Plus I knew my three year old would be up bright and early the next morning. I really can’t wait until she starts sleeping later. Got up the next morning and went right to watching it again. I watched both DVDs completely and just couldn’t wait to get the next two so I ran up to Media Play to buy the last two DVDs. They weren’t as cheap as Target but I just had to keep watching. Came home and watched the rest of the series. I basically spent all day Sunday on my ass on the couch watching Fruits Basket. But it was worth it. I really loved that anime and consider it time well spent. ^_^

Tomorrow is going to be another big anime day. I am going to get the last DVD of Full Metal Panic, the next one of Saiyuki and the next one of Pretear. Pretear is the one I most look forward to though. I really need to cut up my credit cards though. They are getting me in so much trouble. But my anime collection is growing as a result. May end up having to sell a lot of it just to get out of debt. @_@ NAH! Maybe the DBZ figures. They are just collecting dust. I used to be really big into that but lately they just seem to be taking up space. It’s not like I do anything with them. But they are all opened so I am afraid I wouldn’t be able to get much for them. Ah well. Maybe I’ll just keep everything.

Did horrible on my diet last week. Being sick I had absolutely NO treadmill time at all. My lungs were way too tickly for that. Every time I breathed in they started to tickle and I would have to cough. Breath too deep and it was horrible. Coughing fit that lasted for way too long. Plus watching Fruits Basket and all the rice eating they do on that show I had a terrible craving for Chinese food Sunday night which I caved in to and ended up eating way too late. Shrimp lo mein is no good for the diet. So I am steady at only 10.5 pounds lost in four weeks. Which is still okay with me. It’s within my goals so its all good. I just wish I could quit sabotaging myself on the weekends. I do really good until Friday night. I guess having worked all week and seeing a messy house spread before me just really doesn’t give me the inspiration to cook. I hate cooking. It’s to friggin’ difficult to think up new meals to eat every day and I get tired of eating the same stuff over and over again. I need a good cookbook I guess. Yikes! I never thought I would hear myself say that. LOL

Well, that is about it for now. Not much going on here. Weather is crummy. My parents are about to move. My husband and I haven’t had a “date” since my birthday two months ago. Just feeling a little bummed about all that I guess. I hate being in a gloomy mood. But ah well. Maybe the sun will actually come out tomorrow.

Well, the past couple of days I have felt a little bit like death warmed over. Having major sinus trouble. I hate having allergies. *mumbles to self “Thanks a lot Dad!”* But today my head is no longer throbbing and my joints are a lot less achy. Just have the tickling in my lungs to deal with now and only being able to breath through one side of my nose. I swear, I hate that! Ah well. What can you do. Just poppin’ Alka Seltzer Cold liqui gels until it goes away.

Seeing as how I haven’t been feeling the greatest it is a great time to play video games. Doesn’t require to much physical activity. LOL So we rented the Prince of Persia Sands of Time. I am enjoying the hell out of this game. It has everything I love in a game. Great puzzles to kind of figure out and lots of grand scenery and some wild moves. But it is awesome to be able to rewind time and get yourself out of a fix. That has got to be one of the greatest things about this game. Of course, you have to so many wild moves in this game that the least they could do is let you rewind you falling ass. LOL I am a little over half way done with it and it has to go back to Blockbuster tomorrow so I am about to go kick ass and see if I can’t finish it up before it has to go back. It took me seven hours to get through the first half so maybe I can make it. Only time will tell.

We rented American Wedding also. That is one hilarious movie! Great if you are in a bad mood and need a some good gross fun to make you laugh.

Well, I am off to kick some sand people / sand animal ass and to take some medicine.

OMG!!! It has been way too long since I have updated. Not like that much exciting goes on in my life worth updating anyways though. *rolls eyes* Ah well.

Let’s see. Where to start. The most depressing piece of news I guess I will deal with first. My parents are moving to Washington DC. *cries like a fucking baby* This is pretty upsetting and for a while there it seemed like some major shit was going to hit the fan between my mom, my sis, and my bro and his fiancé. I think they have it all kind of worked out now. But this is a major hit to my and my hubby because my parents are our ONLY source of babysitting. We are pretty picky about who watches our kids. This really sucks. And this year is our 10th wedding anniversary and we have been planning for at least a year to take a full week long vacation while my mom watched the kids for us. I thought this move would pretty much cancel all that. But, with luck, my mom said she would fly down here to Georgia to watch them for us while we go on our trip. That is so great because I am really looking forward to a solid week along with my hubby. It will be the honeymoon we never got to have. I definitely look forward to that. But we have at the earliest about two months before my parents will be moving so there is time maybe to get out and do some things just me and the hubby before they go... like see LOTR ROTK again. Or Big Fish. Hearing lots of great things about it. Speaking of parents, today is my mom’s birthday. I got her a birthday card which is a pickle. LOL It has to do with her last name. But I guess I won’t go into that. I used to hate being teased about it. Thank God the woman can take the man’s last name when they get married.

I think me and Dave have decided we are going to Disney World / Universal Studios on our vacation. I can’t wait. We haven’t been there since 1998. Well, I went to Universal with my parents and my sis and my son in 2000 but it was kind of hard to have too much fun because I was pregnant with my daughter. The early stages of pregnancy is not a good time to go riding a bunch of rides that make you sick when you are already on the verge of blowing chunks anyway. LMAO! Luckily the doc said it was safe to take Dramamine (sp) so I did okay. And I didn’t have to not ride anything either because of being pregnant. It was just really hard to go so long without eating or drinking enough. But my parents are big on saving money and didn’t want to eat in the park much. That sucked. But anyway, yeah. I think that is where we will go. We are getting a VERY NICE tax return this year so we should really be able to enjoy this vacation. We are actually going to stay at a resort in Disney this year. I liked the Port Orleans French Quarter hotel. It looks awesome. And it is located in Downtown Disney where all the night life happens. I am really getting excited about that.

I did horrible on my diet during the first two weeks of January. Totally SUCKED!!! In fact I ended up gaining 3.5 pounds. But on January 19th I started all over and have done excellent since then. I have not missed a day of exercise since that day. I have lost 10 pounds and hope to keep up the progress, though I know the stall is coming any day now. I HATE THAT!!! But I will deal with that when it comes. My goal was only 1 pound per week so I am well ahead of were I wanted to be so a few weeks of being stalled at one weight will be okay I guess. But I have that 10 year high school reunion in the summer. I really want to look decent for that. I actually saw someone I graduated with at Walmart today. I didn’t say anything to him though. Not really someone I was friends with. Just knew him from the band. Dave knows him more than me because they were in the drumline together. I actually look forward to the reunion too. I can’t wait to see what people are up to now and how many of them are divorced. LMAO!

Ah... let’s see. Some anime that I have picked up since I last updated would be:

Full Metal Panic Vol 6.
Saiyuki Box 2 with Vol 7 disc
Geneon Trigun Vol 1 (MUCH CHEAPER!!)
Dragonball GT Vol 11 and 12
Happy Lesson Vol 1 (MAJOR FUNNY SHIT!!!)

Manga:

Pet Shop Vol 4
Vampire Game Vol 4
Trigun Vol 1 & 2
The Kind of Hell Vol 4.

I think that is about it. I am so looking forward to the 17th. I am dying for the next volume of Pretear!!

But anyways. I need to get to cooking dinner now so I guess I will scat for now. We are having major spicy, taco / hamburger / cheese / bean dip stuff. I love it!! Can’t wait to set my mouth on fire. Catch yall later!

BTW- MV. If you read this... I totally kicked my husband’s ass at that Gundam game. LMFAO!! But I had to use Wing Zero to beat him. It was so hilarious!! But when I played as Burning Gundam and he played as Wing Zero I only beat him once out of about five times. But you were totally right. He was just as confused about the controls as me since it was totally different than any other. It was such a blast playing. We have been too busy to play lately though. :-(

I figured I would try to update this thing every day now if I can though I would imagine most days are going to be mega boring. Ah well.

Haven’t done so terribly hot on my diet so far. *rolls eyes* Pretty pathetic already. It’s my sweet tooth that is going to be the end of me I swear. Thankfully there are a pretty wide variety of low carb options out there now. Instead of getting regular ice cream I just get some low carb ones. But only the ones made with Splenda. That stuff rocks!! It doesn’t leave that nasty bitter taste behind that some sugar substitutes do. I love it. Now if they would just start making diet sodas with it instead of aspartame!! Then I would be one happy camper. LOL I did lose a half a pound so far. Not too bad for not really having tried all that hard yet. I plan to work on planning a work out routine this weekend to put into effect starting on Monday. Hopefully then I will start to get pumped about it and start to see some results. Who knows. I will probably just fail this time too.

My hubby and I went to the eye doctor today. I have horrid eye site. I am so near sited that I couldn’t see this monitor in front of my face without my high power contact lens. LOL And my left eye actually got worse!!! I really want to get LASIK surgery something fierce but I just don’t have $2000 laying around for that kind of thing right now. *sighs* I wish though. My hubby has to get glasses. This is the first time he has ever dealt with something like that before. We were just terribly glad to hear that his eye sight changes were not do to diabetic reasons. The doctor said all looked great as far as the condition of his eye. His brother had to get glasses at this age so it is all probably just hereditary. I know all about that only my problems started in the 4th grade. Luckily he actually looks pretty sexy in the frames he picked out. It will be interesting trying to get used to seeing him in glasses. LOL

And I took the advice of MV and we purchased Gundam Encounters in Space. I have yet to get to lay it though. We bought it today but after our eye exams we both have major headaches so neither of us have played it yet. It sounds totally awesome and I can’t wait to get to play it. Maybe once my eyes have adjusted to my new prescription tomorrow I won’t have a headache anymore and will be able to play.

Well, that is about it for my day today. SO exciting I know. *extreme sarcasm*

Happy New Year to anyone and everyone!!!

I know I plan to do things right over the next year. It should be a pretty big year for me actually. This year I will hopefully attend my 10th year high school reunion. I will also celebrate my 10th wedding anniversary. But before I can truly enjoy those things I feel like I must get a handle on my weight. It has been out of control since the birth of my son 10 years ago. Basically I have not been in charge of my life, really, in the past 10 years. This year I am going to TAKE IT BACK!!!!! I refuse to be a slave to emotions which drive me ever constantly to the kitchen. I am ready to responsibility for my weight and more importantly accountability for it. I resolve this year to lose one pound a week, MINIMUM, for a total loss of 52 pounds by this time next year. I will meet this resolution! I am starting out at a whopping 200 lbs even today. That is actually fine with me. I was hoping to be at an even 200 on this day. It makes it that much easier for calculating the losses. :-) I would really love to weight at least 150 by the time my reunion rolls around but that might be setting goals a little lofty so I won’t shoot for that necessarily. But it sure would be nice. *sighs* All my classmates will remember the 125 person I was back in high school. Ah well. I don’t know why but I would mean a lot to me to go back looking better than I did before. The important thing really is that my husband and I (we both graduated from the same class, same school) will be walking into that reunion TOGETHER! I can’t wait to show all those guys. Most people thought we got married just because I was pregnant. *rolls eyes* People seem to forget we were engaged before that happened. I also resolve to pay off all the credit card debt we have accumulated. I have already taken the first step to make this happen by consolidating our four credit cards we had with pretty high interest rates onto one card from our bank with a very nice interest rate. The minimum payment will now be what just one of those other cards was by itself. We should be able to really chunk down on the principle balance now that we can make larger payments on one balance. I look forward to being out of debt. But this will cut into our savings for our anniversary trip. That is my other resolution. I want to go do something totally awesome with my hubby for our 10 year. I think we deserve it having been through all the shit we have been though. We are trying really hard to decide where to go. Well, we have almost 9 months before we have to go anywhere so that gives about 7 months I guess to really make up our minds. That should be doable. I would have no reservation I guess about putting the whole trip on the credit card if I had to. WE WILL GO SOMEWHERE AND HAVE FUN!!!! Even if it kills me. LOL

Well, enough about resolutions, though those are three I truly expect to keep. The rest... who knows. They are all little things anyways.

Let’s see. We had a good Christmas here. Our daughter absolutely loves her bike. She was so fun to watch Christmas morning. Being three years old she finally grasped the concept of Santa bringing presents this year. It was such a joy to watch her little face light up. Our son is getting to the stage where he is really too picky though. We went shopping for him and got a couple of PS2 games and accessories. After we went shopping for that stuff we bought an Xbox. My hubby has been dying to have Halo so we finally broke down and got it and the Xbox. Now my son almost refuses to play the PS2. *rolls eyes* Overall for Christmas almost one third of his presents were PS2 related and they are sitting in barely touched. As a parent who spent money on that stuff I find it very frustrating!!! Ah well. What can you do? I am really loving the Xbox myself though. My hubby’s uncle sent us $50 for Christmas so we bought the LOTR ROTK Xbox game because it was one we both agreed on. LOL I beat it probably a week after we had it. I am so obsessed with it!! I only have the game 93% beat though according to the save file. I am rather enjoying going back and playing all the characters in all the levels. You can take Frodo to Pelennor fields to do battle and take Legolas to fight Shelob. Once you beat the game anyway. It is such a blast. And you unlock three characters at the end, Faramir, Merry and Pippin. Faramir really kicks ass!!! I beat the whole game with him in a very short time. And you can unlock cheat codes at the end as well. I think I have discovered that you can’t take your characters past level 20 though. I have played both Faramir and Legolas to that point but I am pretty sure I have gotten level ups when actually playing but then when you go to see your results at the end of the level the level score itself doesn’t seem to go above 20. So, I am now working on getting all my characters completely played out through the entire game and all at level 20. It’s a great game to play when I am frustrated with the kids because I get to go kill things. LOL The Southern Gate level is a great one to play to vent frustration because there are a TON of orcs to kill there.

We saw the ROTK the weekend it came out. I loved it. It did feel a little long to me though because I read the book and I was basing what I was seeing on what I had read. When the battle was taking so much time through the movie I would think to myself “Man, they still have so much story to tell.” But I see now that they just took those short battle scenes from the book and really stretched them out and took some of the long story stuff at the end of the book and compressed it. I am glad for that though. It makes for a much more tolerable movie. LOL I loved it. I can’t wait for the extended DVD to see what all is put back in. I am sad to see it end. My hubby told me he read somewhere that New Line Cinemas is trying to get the movie rights for The Hobbit. Peter Jackson said he would love to direct that as well. I really hope that works out. Almost every movie studio is bidding for the rights though. Who knows. As long as Peter Jackson and his same team does the movie I think it will be alright. I already saw in an interview Ian McKellan would love to do it. I really hope that all works out. That would kick ass!!

Ah... I lost of my track of thought now. Oh yes... Christmas. LOL My hubby and I usually don’t give each other gifts but this year he surprised me and got me The Hobbit book. I look forward to reading that. I got a pretty cruddy Christmas bonus this year as compared with past years. But ah well, it was better than nothing for sure! I bought myself the Blue Gender DVD box set. I still haven’t finished watching Excel Saga yet though. AH!! So much anime to watch, so little time. And on January 6th the next Full Metal Panic comes out. And the next box and DVD for Saiyuki. And I think the next Pretear was slated to come out then but I am unsure on that one. I really like that series so far. My hubby hates it! LOL I guess it is to girly for him or something. He’s more a mecha guy I guess. And the next Pet Shop of Horrors manga comes out too! I hate that they release those things so friggin’ far apart! I think the next King of Hell manga comes out that day too but I am unsure on that one as well. I have the first three of them but I have only read up to halfway through the second one. I guess I will keep getting it though so I will have something to read on a day I am board.

AH!! This is a very long entry. Hope everyone out there has a great 2004!!!!!

I didn’t realize it had been this long since I updated last. YIKES! As much as enjoy the holidays because of the days off from work, etc. the time sure does fly by. I hate that part.

But alas. Things are finally looking up around here for now so I am pleased overall. My husband’s insurance paid a large portion of his stress test and we have appealed their decision on the hospital stay denial. They are reconsidering it right now so it is wait and see on that for now. But we are trying to stay positive about it. My new insurance finally kicked in so now my entire family is insured... FINALLY! My hubby went to pick up his medicine for his diabetes last night and he usually has to pay over $50 for it without insurance. When he went last night with the new insurance card he only had to pay $7! *faints* He had just filled another medication that was $170 though. But luckily the pharmacy said they would refile it and give us the extra money back.

I think I may have actually gotten my raise too. My check last pay period was more and they should be taking out the money for insurance for all of us now. But... I didn’t get a pay stub for some reason so I am not sure about that. I get automatic deposit and being on vacation all last week (for my birthday and just for fun) I think my stub got misplaced or something. Ah well. Guess I will wait another week and a half to find out. Keeping my fingers crossed on a Christmas bonus to come up soon too, with luck.

Only four more days till I get to see ROTK!! YAY. We decided to wait until the weekend to see it. Going to see the Matrix Revolutions on a Wednesday night was kind of a pain so we are going to the very first showing on Saturday the 20th. I can’t wait. Though I am a little upset they cut Christopher Lee from the last movie. Makes me wish I hadn’t read the book so I wouldn’t know the difference. Ah well. I know I will still enjoy it.

I also bought the entire Excel Saga series on DVD this past week. And we got an X-box too. I am going to kick myself one of these days for maxing out the new credit card we got to pay off all the others but hey! Fun for now. LOL At least now I will be able to get all of our debt onto ONE friggin’ card instead of four different ones. I'm going to pay off the other four and lock them up in a safe deposit box in the bank. I know I wouldn’t go through all the trouble to drag them out to use them. Starting next year I have got major things to accomplish. But I will start planning that next week or so.

Well, gotta run for now. My daughter is dying to watch the Garfield trailer. I made the mistake of showing it to her. I guess we are definitely going to be going to see that movie. LOL

Later!!

So glad for the weekend to finally be here. *sighs* Last week was a long week.

Halloween went great last night. The kids really seemed to enjoy themselves. We made a very last minute decision on my son's constume and instead of being a ghost he ended up being a coal minor. It was nice because he had a light on his hard hat to help guide us through the dark. LOL And Sheridan looked adorable in her little princess costume. She was a little scared of some of the customes we passed though. There was one girl in particular with the whole "Scream" look going. My daughter didn't care fot that mask AT ALL! LOL These people were behind us most of the way around the neighborhood too so it was kind of funny. They got a whole lot more candy than I ever expected. It was overall a great time.

Today my parents are taking both kids for the day. YAY YAY YAY!!!!! We are so going to enjoy the peace and quite around here. I am sure we will find something to do with our time. *wink wink* Dave said he wasn't sure he wanted to take the drive to go see Alien so we may just stick around here and do something. Maybe go see Scary Movie 3 or Kill Bill. Who knows. The point is the kids will be gone all day and that is enough for us. ^____^

Also on Friday I got a piece of good news from my job finally. Not about my raise though. Actually this will take more money out of my check. *cries* We thought Dave was going to have to wait until January 2004 to get on my health insurance after his company dropped theirs because our policy only had one enrollement period. But... our office is changing insurance companies so he gets to get on today! This is very good news. Two more months we don't have to worry about him not being covered. The only bad thing is this will be taking a pretty big chunk out of my check each pay period. But they added dental to our package too so that is a plus.

But I got summoned for jury duty Friday. <_< But, in reading that back of the form I get to defer! YAY! Thanks to my daughter. LOL If you are the primary care taker of a child under 4 you get to request deferment. Thank God for that! I really didn't feel like doing that whole thing. Of course, it would have been a little extra money... very little, but extra just the same. I still think I will defer. Car taxes came in too. Almost $200! *falls over* It seems ironic that all the bills seem to be piling up right here at the end of the year when we should be thinking about what we are going to get the kids for Christmas. Hopefully my Christmas bonus from the office this year will be decent... oh wait... if I even get one. *rolls eyes* Well, I am off to enjoy my child free Saturday. :-)

It's official. My check with into the bank today and there was no pay raise on it. I grow increasingly tired of the bullshit that I get from that office. I have been looking online a lot lately just to kind of see what else is out there. There are all kinds of companies all over the US that hire transcriptionists to work from home from ANYWHERE in the US. With the advances in technology I can transcribe for a doctor all the way across the country. I am taking that into serious consideration.

But my mood is lifting a little. Just watched some clips from the next Matrix movie which Kyle Hebert had posted on his web page. They were so cool to watch. I am so stoked for this movie to come out. And I have almost finished reading my LOTR ROK book too. I can't wait to see all of that stuff unfold on screen. Quite exciting it is.

That and I am hatching a master plan to surprise my hubby this weekend. However, there are a few unknowns at this point. My parents were wanting to take our kids to an animal park about a two hour drive from where we live. So they will be gone most of the day. My hubby is dying to see the director's cut of Alien that was just released. I looked it up and the closest theater playing it to us is about an hour or so drive from here. So.... if all goes well and my parents do decide to take the kids, depending on what time they actually leave, hopefully I will be able to surprise my hubby with a trip up to see Alien. I just have to keep him from finding out about my parents thinking about taking the kids for the day. I love being sneaky.

And tomorrow is Halloween. My son decided kind of at the last minute that he wanted to go. He has never been really big into Halloween. Strange... a kid who doesn't want to go get free candy. Weird. My daughter wanted to be a princess so we got her a Cinderella costume. As for the ghost we are just doing the old sheet bit with the holes cut out. That is what he wanted to do so... that's what we will do.

Well, that is about all that's going on around here lately. Just trying to keep my spirits up about that stupid raise. Hopefully it will be on my next check. My hubby thought maybe they just wanted to start it at the beginning of a pay period or something. I say bullshit but whatever. If it is not on the next one I will have to seriously start weighing my options.

Ah well.

Later!

Well, not too many things have changed since my last entry. Things with my husband’s insurance situation have yet to improve. We did get a letter from his physician stating that he didn’t see his conditions as being related, therefore, the admission for the chest pain was not a pre-existing condition. We are going to mail that off with an appeal to the insurance company and hopefully they will take it seriously and we will see some results. If they still refuse to pay then we will for sure be contacting our insurance commissioner. My mom was looking up the Pacific Life insurance group and they have other complaints pending on them right now so apparently others have had problems with that group as well. It still really sucks though. I hate being in this situation. But I can’t really do much to change what will happen. Just send the appeal and contact the right people and let what happens happen. I only pray it all works out in the end so that we don’t have to pay a small fortune to get out of this debt. But we have some really good plans for where to get the money... if that time comes and we need it. So we won’t be sunk. Just not happy being sucked dry. *rolls eyes* Ah well. We got the bill from the Cardiologist’s office where he had the stress test done and they didn’t even file his insurance!! URGH!! I hate physician’s offices. I think it is a requirement that you be a dumb person to work in one. (Oh wait! I work for a physician’s office! *falls over anime style*) They didn’t even have on their records that he was covered by insurance at the time he had the test. So frustrating!!! Do they seriously think we would have taken a $2,500 test WITHOUT having insurance to pay for some of it! They must think we are fucking crazy. But my husband set them straight and I faxed them all the appropriate information today so that they can file the stinking claim with the insurance. That at least puts that bill off for one more month. And once we appeal the hospital claim that will be on hold too. I am just so ready for all of this shit to be over with. It is emotionally and physically draining. *sighs*

Then the shit with my job. Well, I went into the office last night to go ahead and pick up my tapes for today and one of the docs was in the office. I type for three out of the five docs we have at our office. Luckily the one that was there at the office is my favorite. He told me that he talked to Clint and that my raise would be coming “soon”. Now exactly how soon “soon” is to him is beyond me. I would really like to see the raise on my next pay check (October 31st) but I am surely not going to hold my breath on that one. Chances are I will be waiting longer than that. But at least I have assurances from him that it coming... of course he also told me that several months ago. URGH! Getting very frustrated with that also. Yet again, very emotionally and physically draining. I seriously need to buy a punching bag for our garage. It would help me out greatly! Plus it might help with my stupid weight...

...which brings me to my next issue of frustration. Losing weight is a bitch! I have been at the same weight for the past three weigh ins now. It is really starting to take it’s toll. Made me really not want to exercise at all this past week and my eating for the past week has been atrocious. I guess I should be thankful in that case that I haven’t gained anything and just stayed level. Tomorrow is the official weigh in day though. Guess I will see what the results are then. I don’t expect any loss for sure.

Man, I finally got a chance to watch John Q last night. OH MY GOD!!! I cried my eyes out! That movie is so friggin’ sad and suspenseful in certain parts. Given our current situation I probably shouldn’t have watched it anyway, given the subject matter with the health insurance. But I have wanted to see it since it first came out and couldn’t help but watch. Thank goodness a show about wild weddings came on afterwards and some really hilarious wedding mishaps caught on tape was there to cheer me up.

Bought the most recent RahXephon DVD last week. I am so loving that series!!! It is kind of stressful though to not totally understand what is going on. LOL But that’s part of its appeal. I bought Vol 5 of Saiyuki a couple of weeks ago but haven’t had a chance to watch it yet. I should do that today. If I can keep myself awake.

My daughter has been really congested and coughing a lot the past few days. Last night was my night to get up with her during the night. I decided it would just be easier to sleep in her room instead of physically getting up every half hour to see what she needed. Boy was that a mistake! First of all her mattress is horrible! My back is killing me this morning. Then she kicked me and hit me in the face with her hands as she tossed and turned all friggin’ night. And she was constantly coughing in my face. I will be lucky if I don’t get sick. At least tonight I won’t have to do it. It will be hubby’s turn. MWUHAHAHA!!!!! Just kidding. He actually gets up with her most of the time since I get up so early in the morning. But today I didn’t have to get up early so I got up with her. I’m not sure how much sleep I actually got. Not much is all I know.

I am trying to finish the Return of the King book before the movie comes out in December. I just started Book Six last night. I think I will make it. Can’t wait for the next Matrix movie too!! Only nine more days!!! My hubby is trying to get a half day off that day so we can go see it during the day. It’s not looking like his boss is liking the idea though. LOL I usually only work half a day on Wednesdays anyway.

Well, I am barely staying awake here at the computer so I will run. Boy, I sure can ramble.

Well, it has been a very long time since I have updated. I hate that but unfortunately my real life has taken a very “blah” turn. Just haven’t felt like being vocal about it, though it probably would help A LOT!

I want to start out by doing this quiz I have seen on quite of few people’s journals lately. I thought it was interesting. Good way to learn things about people. So here goes:

A - Act your age- I guess, most of the time.
B - Boyfriend - No. I have a husband and would never cheat on him.
C - Chore you hate- Cleaning toilets! Especially in the kids’ bathroom. YUCK!
D - Dad's name- Tom
E - Essential make up item - Concealer for my dark under eye circles from being too stressed.
F - Favorite actor - Tom Hanks, Al Pachino, Bruce Willis.
G - Gold or silver - Gold.
H - Hometown - Mt. Sterling, KY - a very tiny speck in the US
I - Instruments you play - I used to play piano, hand bells, clarinet, bass clarinet, and drums - only bass drum during marching season. Best time of my life!
J - Job title - Medical Transcriptionist
K - Kids - Yes, two of them. One 9 nine year old boy and one 3 year old girl.
L - Living arrangements - We are living in our first home actually in our name and not renting! YAY
M - Mom's name - Lona
N - Number of people you've slept with - Urm — that’s kind of private. LOL J/k. I don’t care. 8
O - Overnight hospital stays - Yes. Twice for myself when I had my kids and once recently when I stayed overnight with my husband for his observation.
P - Phobia - I am terrified of falling from an extreme height. The actual height itself doesn’t scare me... just the thought of falling from that high.
Q - Quote you like - Don’t have one.
R - Religious affiliation - Methodist Christian
S - Siblings - One younger brother and one younger sister.
T - Time you wake up? 5:00 a.m. on weekdays and whenever my daughter gets up on weekends.
U - Unique habit - Don’t think I have one that is “unique”
W - Worst habit - Worrying about what others think too much. I shouldn’t give a shit and I didn’t used to. I hate that!
X - X-rays you've had - Tons of teeth x-rays and an x-ray of my left ankle when I sprained it in 1995, and an elbow x-ray in 1997. Never had any broken bones though. :-)
Y - Yummy food you make - Lemon garlic cod! I love that stuff.
Z - Zodiac Sign - Sagittarius.

Now. That was fun. :-) Time for some bitching now.

I have been away for so long because of so many things going on with my personal life. My husband was admitted to the hospital for overnight observation for chest pains. It was horrible for me. My whole life changed on that night. The thought of what I would do if I had to live my life without him in it. It was not a good time for me at all. Made me reassess the priorities in my life BIG TIME! Then he had to have a nuclear stress test done. We were extremely rushed because his office informed them that their company health insurance benefits were being dropped. So he got the test done in time before that happened. Luckily everything is fine with his heart. He has no blockages or anything we feared. So that was good news. We have still changed the way we eat and things though because it was extremely scary to even think about what could have been. But anyway. Then recently we get a letter from his insurance company saying that they are not going to pay for anything having to do with his heart. This means all the doctors visits, hospital stay and the stress test will NOT be covered and will have to come totally out of our pocket. We owe the doctor $420 and the hospital $2354.13 and God only knows what we will owe for the stress test. I imagine we are looking at easily $5,500 in medical bills all to be headed our way right around Christmas time! This really pisses me off. So we did some research as to why this was considered “pre-existing” because we were pretty sure he held off on the heart thing until he was covered. He went for an office visit on February 18th. His insurance card says the official date of service start was February 21st. But he remembers, and I am pretty sure I do to, talking to an insurance agent about that he had filled out all the paperwork at his office earlier and he needed to go to the doctor but that he hadn’t received an insurance card yet. The insurance agent told him he should be covered and to go ahead and go.... So he did. Just now to find out that he wasn’t covered at all! Now they are calling it a pre-existing condition! I don’t understand it at all. But I do know with two kids and all these bills due at Christmas time we are going to have a really rough holiday season. I am not looking forward to the holidays at all this year. *sighs*

Then there is crap with my job. I have been trying since April of this year to get a raise because it will be two years this December since I have had one... WAY TOO LONG! Back in April it was agreed that I was over due for a raise but it never happened. Then we had a management change. I hassled one of the doctors that I am closer too and can talk to about things with about the raise. He kept saying he would get it done but still nothing. Then I talked to our new office manager about two months ago about it and he said to tell the Human Resources lady to put me on a schedule. I STILL HAVEN’T HEARD ANYTHING!!! So I got some advice from our former office manager and a good friend of mine. She suggested that I write them a letter about it. And there is another girl who does transcription and I do far more than she does and how it isn’t fair. I did that and got a call back from the office yesterday about my letter. They are supposed to talk about my raise. My good friend said I should say I want to see it done by the 31st but I don’t know. But as far as my position being equal with the other girl who does transcription, they basically didn’t give a shit that I do more. I was terribly upset about that and had to stop working and call my friend at the office about it and just cry my eyes out to her. Thank God she understands the shit that goes on down in that office sometimes. She could see my frustration and is going to talk with one of the doctors about it for me. I hope this all gets resolved okay. With all that is going on with my husband’s medical bills the last thing I need right now is to lose my job or feel so ripped off by them that I want to quit. *sighs* After all the upset crying I did about that I was pretty nauseated feeling and had a horrible headache so I laid down to take a 20 minute nap. I set a timer on my watch to go off so I could get up and get back to work because I had a whole lot to get done, only the alarm on my watch wasn’t loud enough to wake me. The next thing I new it was an hour later and my son was at the front door ringing the doorbell to come in from getting home from school. I lost 40 minutes of valuable work time and actually didn’t feel any better. Then the mail came and we got the news about all that insurance denying the hospital claim and stuff.

I try to remind myself that my husband and I have been through harder times than this but it is still really hard. I have really enjoyed having enough extra money so that we can go out and buy some of the things we want each month. I was collection quite an anime collection. But with all these bills coming up we will have to take that money and put it to that. Being so in debt makes me absolutely hate money. And it makes it harder to work because you know you slave to make that money and then you have to fork it over into bills and you don’t get to enjoy it.

One good thing I have to report is that since my last reported weight on here of 207.5 I have lost 16 pounds! That is the one good thing going on right now. It has been not that much of a struggle to lose it so far. I hope that continues. With all that happened with my husband and the heart scare it has been really easy to change our lifestyles. Easier for me than him I think. Exercising more helps too. Helps me feel less stressed also. I really need a walk today I guess.

Well, my mom just called with our insurance commissioner’s web site address so I need to go check that out then get all of my husband’s insurance papers together so we can prepare to fight this thing. Wish me luck, anyone who might read this.

I just want to rant a little about this situation I just endured in the Walmart parking lot which really pisses me off. Actually it seems to be happening to me more and more lately and I am just about fed up with it. <_< Now I am not a heartless person who lacks compassion but I SERIOUSLY HATE PAN HANDLERS AND BEGGARS!!! I don't know if hard times are just really going around here or what but seems like more and more there are people in the parking lots asking for money. I dread going to Media Play because three or four times now going there I have been asked by people for money. They come right up to your car! No tact or manners at all. This is why I go to Suncoast more nowadays than Media Play. Unfortunately for me Media Play has the widest selection of manga around here. DOH! I just make sure my hubby goes with me now. But anyway, to my story of today's events. I went to Walmart today as I do every other week to get two weeks worth of groceries. I do this so I can avoid the store as much as possible. ^_^ Going only once every two weeks is much better than going every week. So I had been in the store for well over an hour shopping and trying to deal with my three year old at the same time. It was hot and muggy and we didn't get a very close parking space so here I am dragging this cart filled to the very top with stuff, stuff all underneath and bags hanging off the side and everything and towing my three year old just has quick as I can just to get to the car. Very tired and aggravated I was. There was this older guy kind of meandering through the parking lot. I actually thought for a while that he had forgotten where he parked his car at first and that he was looking for it. He was just kind of walking to a place then stopping for a bit then moving a little to another place then walking a bit more. Then he came up to my cart as I was unloading groceries. I was already very weary of him because of his strange behavior in the parking lot and made sure my daughter was already in the car in the very front seat far away from me and the open back of the SUV and that all the other doors were locked. I tried to ignore him in hopes that he would go away but he didn't. -_- So I finally looked at him and just about snapping his fucking head off for standing there when he handed me an envelope. Stamped on the front of this envelope was a message that reads "PARDON ME. I am a deaf mute selling bandages to support my family. Donate. Thank you for your kindness." I had a buck and some change in my pocket so I just gave it to him just to get rid of him. I was super annoyed. I always doubt that things like this are ever really true. This had actually happened to me back when I was in Jr. High also. My best friend and I had gone to rent a movie and a guy came up with a deaf mute card that said kind of the same thing only he was selling the card which had the alphabet in sign language on the back of it. There were actually two band-aids in the envelope. The two most expensive band-aids I have ever bought. But they guy really didn't smell all that great so I had hoped that maybe he was for real. I don't know. A few minutes later I saw him in the aisle of parked cars right next to mine just standing there next to a car. Then he leaned on it. I thought for a minute he was just going to wait by that car until it's owner came out so he could hit them up. Then I leaned in the car to put my daughter in her car seat but I was still watching him out through the back window. I saw him pull out a wad of cash which I could only assume was his profits from looming in the parking lot there. Then he counted it and pulled out a wallet from his back pocket and put the bills inside. Then he got into the car he was leaned against! It was not a old shitter car either. Seems to me he really didn't need to be doing what he was doing in the parking lot there. I really had half a mind to follow him to see where he went from there. Like to see if he went home or whatever. I still have my very serious doubts as to whether or not this guy was genuine or not. I just think that people who find themselves on hard times should take advantage of the public services put in place for that purpose... they shouldn't be coming up to me in parking lots begging for me to part with some of the money that I get up of my ass every day to make! (LOL Actually I sit on my ass to make it since I type all damn day... but that's not the point!) There are also countless churches around town. I just feel it should be illegal for people to ask for money in public places like that. I actually was fearful for my safety and it makes me much more wear of going back to Walmart ever again. But alas, I will have to one day or we will all starve. LOL I'm going to have to get me a taser or seriously get a permit and licence to pack heat. My husband would love that one! I think a lot of my animosity towards people asking others for money in situations like that has to do with something that happened back when I was in high school... I think. I just remember my family and I were on a trip to Kentucky and we had stopped at a rest stop. This guy came up to my father as we were picnicking and gave him this long sob story about his car was broken down and he and his daughter were stuck and needed some money to get to the next exit and get things worked out with their car. My dad just gave him a little to shut him up and get him away as we were TRYING to eat lunch and get back on the road pretty quick. As we were leaving the rest stop we saw that very guy getting into a car and driving off in it. Yeah! His car was really broken wasn’t it?!? I know that there are times when people are really in trouble and may need help but you know what... I am never happy to give it. Because there are just to many con artists and people out there waiting to take advantage of you and you can’t tell the good from the bad. So, from my point of view, it is just easier to be biased against them all. You don’t get taken as much that way I think. Just my opinion though. I feel so much better getting all that off my chest. It has been driving me nuts all day. Every time I see that envelope from that guy I get angry and just can’t help but get the feeling that I got MAJORLY SCREWED!!! AH! Okay. On to something else. LOL I have been doing really shitty with my diet thus far. I weighed today and have lost a pound which I don’t see how. I have been giving in to my sweet cravings which unfortunately always hit around 8:00 at night. Ice cream has been a real weakness. But at long as I can keep this pound off I guess I will be happy. I did actually manage to ride the recumbent bike some. I found all the pegs to the Total Gym so hopefully I will get the will power to use it too one of these days. I will try my hardest to take things much more seriously next week. I need to set myself a challenge. Well, that enough’s enough babble for now. ^_^

Well, so far this has been another boring day. Yesterday was not a good day at all because I had some sort of stomach flu. Not fun at all. I finally seem to be over it today though except that I keep getting these dizzy feeling every now and then. It's strange. But I am about to get some caffeine in my system soon and hopefully that will help. I think it is probably caffeine withdrawal. Who knows.

Last night was pretty fun though. My mom had several boxes full of old stuff of mine and my husbands that was over there from back when we first lived there almost nine years ago. LOL It was such a blast to go through those old boxes of stuff and see things we hadn't seen in so long. A lost of old high school stuff from when were dating and some of my stuff was even older than that, like Jr. High stuff. It was kind of neat to go through old cards that people sent us when we had our baby shower and wedding. There was even a 200 page story that I had written in there when I was pretty young. Unfortunately it wasn't dated though so I am not exactly sure how old I was when I wrote it. I am sure it is extremely stupid. I will read it one of these days. LOL

Dave, my husband, has just gone to get me the Return of The King book since he was running by Books A Million. I decided I just can't wait until the movie comes out to see what happens. He doesn't want me to tell him anything at all about the book though. He wants to be in total suspense when watching the movie. I find it just as exciting to read it as to watch it. Whatever. I just didn't want to wait.

Weighed in today also. 207.5 is the weight for my starting point. I will aspire to lose 1.5 pounds this week just to make it an even number on my chart that I am going to make up. We'll see how it goes. Haven't really been trying to eat very well today being a holiday and all. I'll start that aspect of it tomorrow. I want to really enjoy the last day of my four day weekend.

My daughter, Sheridan, is yelling to get out of the tub now so I shall dispense with the chatter for now.

I am so bored right now it isn't even funny. Just got my daughter ready for church and shuttled her off with my parents. They take her to church. I quit going 8 years ago or so I'd say. Haven't lost my faith, just the faith in religious organizations. All the church wants to do is suck us dry so they can build and add on to the church. Which I understands needs to be done, but still. I dunno. I suppose I need to get back into going I guess, especially since my dauther likes going to her Sunday School class so much.

Yesterday was kind of fun. We went to Macon, the biggest city north of us, and shopped at several places. I went to Media Play and got Manga books 1 & 2 of King of Hell and Book 1 of Excel Saga. The only thing I don't like about the graphic novels is that it is such a quick read. *sighs* But I am starting to get a collection of them now. I used to never read them. Can't wait until Tuesday when the next FMP and Saiyuki DVDs come out. August has been a very dry month for the anime I watch. Only the DBZ Broly movie came out this month. Nothing else. :-( Ah well. In October 14th I am going to get totally drained of money. On that one day the next Pet Shop of Horrors and Vampire Game graphic novels come out as well as DBGT, FMP and Saiyuki DVDs. All that comes out on the same frikkin' day! I'll get lots of Replay Points though. Heheh.

Tomorrow I try to start my diet. :-( Not looking forward to it really, but ah well. It has to be done. Creeping up over the 200lb mark has been a real eye opener I guess. My dumbass sister just went and got on some pill. Fastin I believe she called it. Paid $65 for it. They gave her a diet to stick to also. She told me what she has to do. Only 1000 calories a day and you can't drink any of those. Nothing but water. And you have to exercise. I told her what a dope she is. I said, "You can stick to a 1000 calorie diet and exercise and lose weight anyway without those damn pills. You could have saved yourself 65 bucks!" But she doesn't listen. LOL We'll see how well it works. Guess I will weigh in tomorrow and go from there. Weigh in once a week. My goal is only 1 pound per week. Very reasonable I think. I have a 10 year class reunion next year, plus me and my hubby's 10 year wedding anniversary, so I want to make sure I am back at my "pre-child" weight by then. It would be nice anyway. Only time will tell.

Well, I'm off to do some major house cleaning. My place is looking like a major tornado (named Sheridan, LOL My three year old) just came sweeping through here in a massive wave of destruction. Maybe I will actually get it cleaned today. I've been saying I was going to do it for a while now. That's another thing about my weight that really bugs me. It makes me extremely lazy!!! <_< I sure do hope my mood improves as the day goes on. *sighs*